I must forgive my parents
For the past twenty years I never asked my parents for help. Even when I desperately needed it, I did not turn to them. Not because I had a statement to make, simply because I knew I could not count on them.
In the beginning I was angry with them. Then my anger transformed into annoyance. It turned down a bit with each year passing by, until there was no more resentment. That’s probably because I finally understood that they did the best they could have done in their position. They were humans too, and they had their limitations. Yes, maybe a lot more than other parents, but they were mine.
I don’t know who more misfortunate in this story was. Me for having a pair of hippies as my parents, or them for having me as their prodigy child. Anyway, I am sure now that we all suffered along the way.
When I was sixteen I had my first car accident. It was two months after I got my driver’s license. I was driving back home from my grandma’s house and got hit by a drunk driver. I remember I was completely terrified. When the police tried to contact my parents and ask them to come pick me up from the hospital, there were nowhere to be found.
My poor grandma had to come with a neighbour to pick me up. She took care of me for a few days when I was back on my feet. Mom and dad came back home a week later from their meditation camp. They neglected to inform me or grandma that they would be gone for a week. Responsible parenting, I know!
Now that my kids are teenagers, I am trying my best to be the parent I never had. Meaning I am involved in my kids’ life, in their activities, I know what’s going on with them. Although it may appear that I give them a lot of freedom, I do keep them under close supervision. I do trust their judgement, but I still have to be their parent.
Since I got older, and wiser, as my wife says, I decided to give my parents a second chance and allow them to know the kids. When they were born, I invited them on several occasions, thinking they would love to spend time with the babies, but they always had other plans. Each invitation was declined; each call went to the answering machine. Then I stopped calling them.
Last week I contact them again and asked them if they would like to come over for a few days. They refused me once more, mumbling some lame excuse about a Water service replacement Toronto, which did not make any sense to me.