Another year passed by...
I can’t believe that the year passed by so fast! We are already in December. I thought I would have enough time to finish all my projects by the end of the year. When I drew the line, I realized that I merely accomplished half of the things I wished to do this year.
I lost the drive for most of my hobbies. I find it hard to keep up with my colleagues. As a matter of fact, my personal life has taken a toll on my profession. To be honest, it is a miracle that I am still functioning, if I can call this functioning. Half of my days are spent in the hospital, while the other half I try to cope with the reality of having a chronic illness.
It ain’t funny being sick. That’s not what I wanted or asked for. As much as I tried to find an answer to the question “why me?”, I could not come up with a reasonable or satisfying answer. I don’t know how to call it, unfairness or injustice, punishment... Whatever it is, I did not deserve it!
My whole life turned upside down. Nothing seems to be working properly. My career, my marriage, my plans, my dreams - all seem to be part of a far away reality that I lost contact with.
I wonder what is the point of living when there is nothing worth waking up to? I am not a religious person. I never was. In moments like this, people usually find something to make them hang on. A spec of faith, a revelation. Something! All the stories or movies you hear or see show that. I guess that none of that is real. So far, I wasn’t able to stumble upon anything that would actually make sense, that would enable me to see there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Today I went to see one of my old friends. He own a company that's providing some kind of access control for home. We have been planning to me for couple of months, but we always had to cancel at the last moment. Most of the times, it was because of him. His busy schedule prevented him from meeting me.
Tonight we finally managed to go out for a drink. We met somewhere close to his office and then went to the closest Trois-Brasseurs, where we had dinner and a few drinks. I really enjoyed seeing him. He told me he was going through some rough times as well. His wife had been diagnosed to cancer and his life changed completely after that.